Gown Hunting and Schmucks

I hate shopping! There I said it. I know it's an oddity for someone of the female gender. For me shopping is a boring necessity. I only go into a mall if I absolutely need something, otherwise I can manage with the (tremendous) amount of clothing I already have. However, now that my brother's wedding is creeping up on me, I need to find a dress and I need to find one fast. The last few weddings where I needed to wear a gown I had them made but it looks like I woke up too late to have that done since I am leaving to Israel in a month. Thus, I am forced to go into those dreaded stores. I went to about five stores so far and to no avail. Not only do I find these dresses hideous but they all need a tremendous amount of work (being that I have to add some sort of sleeve, take in the waist and of course a hem) If I could find a dress that was have decent looking, I wouldn't mind all the alterations. So, I dedicated yesterday to finding a dress. My friend told me to go to Filene's Basement in Union's Square because "they have tons of dresses" NOT. They had nothing. Nada. Zilch. I found a dress, but it was short but it was cute so I went to try it on, but the line for the dressing room almost reached Times Square. What I usually do when I find myself in this situation, I find a semi-private place by the coats or somewhere where no one goes and try on what ever I need to try on. I could not such a place because Filene's Basement is all windows that overlooks Union Square. I put the dress down and walked out of the store. I was so fed up with this whole dress hunting that I went to Barnes and Noble across the Square. The first book I saw was Schmucks!: Our Favorite Fakes, Frauds, Lowlifes, Liars, the Armed and Dangerous, and Good Guys Gone Bad By Jackie Mason and Raoul Felder, two of the most entertaining guys around this town. I read the entire book in about a half hour, it was HILARIOUS!!! It was a breath of fresh air to read something so politically incorrect. It was great. An easy read and a good laugh. I was literally laughing out loud. I have seen Jackie perform live and this book is his act written down - he is very talented. It was a great pick me up after the gruelling shopping experience. I then went to Macy's in Herald Square, only to find they had nothing either. I think I am gonna take a break for now....