Israel and beyond...

This past week has been a hectic one to say the least. I returned from Israel earlier in the week and I had the longest bout of jet-lag. It probably did not help the fact that the day I landed I got off the plane went to Long Island, Staten Island, Manhattan Island back to Staten Island and back to Manhattan. In any case, I was in Israel for a few weeks celebrating my brother's wedding. I think this trip to Israel was an eye opener for me - I cant live in Israel until they get rid of the socialist society and the mentality of "the government will provide" becomes extinct. Another interesting factor I noticed is that the single Anglo girls living in Israel who made aliyah in the past few years seem to have one purpose to their existence - obtaining an MRS. Many of them have the mentality of I will teach in a gan, work in a dentist office, babysit or do whatever until they find "rich" Mr. Right and at that point there is no need to have any professional goals because babies will come hard and fast and since the government will provide there is no point in even thinking long term finances - UGH! I am off the aliyah bandwagon at this point. One of my brother's sheva brachot was on a night hike sponsored by Nefesh B'Nefesh and my new sister in law's brother was walking behind me on the hike and of course all these single new immigrants were all over him and they were bombarding him with questions and were pestering him why he didn't want to make aliyah. The ever so polite Canadians response was because I like living in Calgary but these pestering JAPS kept saying there is no future for Jews in Canada etc... I wanted to shout to these dumbfucks - HE IS NOT JEWISH!!! He looks like a typical Slavic non-Jew but of course these husband hungry girls probably just saw a male and wishfully thought they could convert him.

I rented a car and went to the Dead Sea for a day and it was fabulous! I got the massage of a lifetime. I noticed that at the spa there were people from all over the world with various types of skin conditions. As I sat in one of the hot tubs I was hopping that none of these skin conditions are contagious the longer I sat the more of a hypochondriac I became and finally pulled myself from the tub. I'm usually not a hypochondriac but some of those skin diseases looked scary.

One of my brother's air force buddies came in from Turkey for the wedding and we decided to go to Hebron early one morning. I was told women in the back so I sat with him in the back by the back door and all of the sudden a hassidic guy comes to me and with his back toward me says "women to the back, women to the back" I felt like Rosa Parks and I pretended I was deep in conversation with my brother's friend. The hasid behind me was American and politely translated and being that this Air Force Captain is a huge rule follower he promptly got up and moved to the back...

On my way to Israel I got to the Israir check in and saw that it was me and about 200 hassidic me and of course I could imagine my seat was probably between two of these folks so when I was going through security I said the Israeli security "is it gonna be me and them" and he said for your sake I hope there are others on the plane. He was a nice guy, he didnt ask me the usual bullshit security questions - he cracked a few jokes and then said remember not to take anything from those people who wear the kaffiyahs - you know who they are. I laughed thinking to myself I could not imagine someone from American Airlines saying the same thing and his job still waiting for him the next day. When I was going through TSA security on my way to the gate, once more I found myself alone in the sea of black hassidic men. When it was my turn to show my passport and ticket the agent asked me why all the men are throwing all their passports on the floor and she had to pick them up (she was not young!). My response was loud and clear and I told her that these men think that that they might get zapped by lightening if they treat women with respect and give them eye contact or god forbid they accidentally touch a women by showing her their passport. There was swift reaction and to my surprise the next few guys on the line put their passport on a book and handed the woman the book. That's what I call progress.

The wedding was very beautiful it was in a garden of a restaurant and the place stunning. The morning of the wedding I went to get my make up done by a haredi French lady who used to do make up for TV and movies and now that she is religious her husband does not allow her to do it on men. As she is applying the make-up we were discussing what kind of make ups she uses etc and then she said to me in her very thick french accent "you like my make-up I wearing?" I said it was very nice and then she said to me "I just make sex with my husband this morning and the make still on!" I almost fell off the make up stool. I then had to stare at her an inch from my face for the next hour - there is not a word to describe how I felt...